can sylvia brown channel by dearly departed air conditioner?
Have you ever had a morning when you just wanted to go back to bed, wake up, and start the day again?
I was off today, and I had scheduled the cleaning lady to come at noon so that I could sleep late. 10-11am is my natural biological wake-up time, and that was my plan. Instead…
I awoke just before 9am to Milhous barking because my landlady and a roof contractor had entered my apartment. I jumped out of bed, picked up Milhous (not so much to shut him up as much as to use him to hide evidence that I felt it was chilly in the apartment) and greeted my unexpected visitors with a sleepy scowl, messy hair, and two new zits that showed up overnight. My landlord asked me 3 times if I was sick. “NO! I was actually trying to sleep a little late today.” I grumbled. The roof guy needed me to close the shutters in my bedroom.
Seeing as how I couldn’t go back to sleep after being startled awake like that - I took a shower and started to watch Sylvia Brown on Montel while getting dressed. (more on that later) Just as I was putting on a shirt - guess what? Landlady and Contractor were back. Letting themselves in again. This time to close the shutters in the guest room. As the contractor walked to the guest room, I said “We have to take the air conditioner out first.” He walked over to the window. I repeated - “We need to move the air conditioner”. My landlady walked towards him to discuss how to close the shutters when the contractor quickly threw open the window, I screamed “SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!”, and the air conditioner went toppling out. We all screamed and they frantically tried to catch it, but it was too late. I always wondered what something falling 5 stories would sound like. It was loud. Luckily, no one was in the ally. The landlady immediately turned to me and shouted “Who put this air conditioner in?!!!” I was dumbstruck. Did I not say “We need to take the air conditioner out”?! TWICE? And who the hell opens a window with an air conditioner in it without checking if it’s bolted to the window or asking the person next to you to hold the air conditioner?! If it had been bolted, he would have broken the frame when he threw open the window. He should have checked!!! This is MY fault? Then accusations started about why didn’t I have the AC sitting on a board. My landlady concurred - “You are supposed to have it on a board.” What? This was HER apartment before we moved in and this was HER air conditioner and SHE did not have it on a board. Ugh! Why wasn’t it bolted to the window, you ask? Because the roof contractor has been coming on a highly irregular schedule during the summer, the landlady has always called us the day before, and we keep having to take the AC out, put it back, take it out, put it back. I guess the last time we put it back, we forgot to bolt it, or maybe we thought it’s going to come out again soon so what’s the point. I can’t remember. Obviously we made a mistake. BUT. Come on!
After they left and I was still shaken, the cleaning lady showed up. At 10:20am. Not at noon, as was discussed. At 10:21am, my sister called because her dog is sick. I just wanted to go back to bed and start over. Instead I went shopping. I guess I figured that I might as well do something I hate since it couldn’t ruin an already sucky day. Turns out - shopping made me feel better. Who knew?
Now - Sylvia Brown. If I ever happen to catch her on Montel, I can’t help but watch. I simply fascinated by the concept of her. She is fake. She is a show-person. She constantly picks her eye and the corner of her mouth and her hair and bites her dragon-lady nails. People worship her. People are inspired by her. When I watch her - it is always with the same expression - “What the hell is she talking about?! How has this person achieved any amount of believability?” Did you know that everyone in the afterlife is 30 years old? Babies grow up but stop at 30 and adults return to being 30. Why 30? Who knows? I’m not sure she knows. She says it off the cuff like everything else with no explanation whatsoever and housewives everywhere are telling each other with confidence that all spirits are 30 years old. Meanwhile - I’m 30 now. It’s not so great. Why would spirits decide that 30 is the universally fabulous age to be?
